I haven't shared in awhile.

Though I may smile alot and be joyful,  it's  been a hard year and a half so I haven't  laughed  as much as I  previously had.   I'm  not laughing today either but I  feel  the need to  write if only as a cautionary  tale.  About 10 days ago I was scratching  an itch  on my left calf, the front of said calf and my skin, being  as thin as  it is,  was torn off. I put neosporin and  a bandage  on it and went about my business.  The next day I  took the bandage off to let it  dry to scab over. That was the plan anyway  but we plan and the universe  laughs so that was not what was to be.

Upon removing the bandage I discover that just below the scrape is not just a small hole but a black little hole looking ugly. So I  neosporin and bandage it again and hope for the best  while watching  my foot and  leg swell up. That was last Thursday,  over a week ago. I check it Friday  morning  and another big black spot has appeared, looking  more like a bruise with no obvious hole. Oh dear. I decide to keep it  covered mostly to keep flies off of it since they are everywhere  out here. By 3pm my skin feels hot yet I have the chills so I lay down. Where I  stayed until 11 the next morning  when my little sister  called. I told her about it and she insisted that I  see a doctor  on Monday.  Well alrighty then.  I'm not going to argue since I feel like I  got hit at and missed but shit at and hit and honestly I  just wanted to  feel better.

Later that afternoon  my neighbor  stopped by to  check  on me and said  to put a slice of onion on it to draw out the infection.  I did and the swelling was  down Sunday morning  but it looked and felt nasty. By Monday morning I was  on the phone early to see the  doctor  but couldn't  get in until  Tuesday afternoon.  I'm a  patient  soul and bide my time. Finally I  get to see her and  it turns out to be a staph infection and the only thing one can do is antibiotics  which I tend to be allergic to  but she says there's one we can try that doesn't  end with an n (as in penicillin, amoxicillin, eurethramyacin,  etc) but she wants to make sure I  have an EpiPen  handy and mine are expired. She said she'd call both prescriptions  in to my pharmacy  and I  go my merry way. Thus began  one of the worst medical FUBARs I have experienced since  my hysterectomy  30 years ago.....

I called my  pharmacy  on Wednesday morning to  discover that  they were not called  in (insert  frowny face  here) and so I call the doctor's office to  discover she is out of the office for the day (now I've  gone from frowny  face to disgusted  face) and the nurse says there is nothing  in my record about any prescriptions.  Grrr, really? They said they will try to contact her to call them  in.  Needless to say I  didn't  get them  until yesterday morning  and the leg not only  looks and feels  horrible  but its draing and still swollen.  So far no reaction to the  antibiotics  which  is great but  I  likely have  another week  of torture to  endure full well  knowing that I  will forever have dents in my leg after it heals. Seriously  hoping that  it does  heal.

I have taken  pictures  of it  every day  to document this horror story  but I won't add them and subject others to nightmares or worse. Suffice it to say that I  highly recommend you  NEVER  get a staph infection because it's  extremely  painful as well as  ugly. Oh and dangerous. If it hits your bloodstream  it causes blood  poisoning  yikes!

In other news, I'm  happy and getting  married but not sure  of the date and then moving back to the mainland to  Louisiana where my man toy is from. His words not  mine but I like it, lol. I just look forward to  getting my things out of storage  and being in the same space with  them and him. And laughing  more, a lot more

Beliefs

I was having a philosophical discussion  early this morning  with an online friend and have had a few of these  types of  discussions with  this same person  recently and to an observer it would seem  as if  we don't agree about anything and might wonder how we can be  friends.   It's  simple, really,  we think differently  and hold different  beliefs that are similar.  A belief is merely  the acceptance  of any statement  being true.  Look  it up, I  did and that is what it said. If I  accept that  statement  then it would be true for me.  And I  personally  believe  that  2 things that seem true can be true at the same time even if they are opposites.  I know that I  can feel  sadness and overwhelming  joy at the same time.

I have, since an early age,  proclaimed that I am a spiritual  being on a human journey because everything is  made of  energy and we come into the human form to experience everything we desire, desire being a human quality, since we have no need for anything  in pure energy form from which we come and later return to  after our human  body's  demise.  We come in with everything we need  and quickly  forget that fact so we're all basically  in school, all of us teachers and  all of us students  at the same time.  See how that works?  Two seemingly  opposite  things are true at the same time.

The belief that I  struggle with  most is randomness.  You can either believe that  everything is  random or that nothing is  random.  Most of the time I  think that  nothing is  random and that everything is  as it is for our highest good. We create it all with our beliefs,  with our very thoughts,  every bit of it.  That's what  gives us  our outlook on any given thing. It's forgetting  our spiritual  nature that causes emotions, at least I  believe it is  for me. Emotions are  another  human  quality. 

I was going  somewhere  with  this and my (human) train of  thought  has jumped the track.