I confess, this is something I wrote a year ago but it is still appropriate and I have stuff to do today but wanted to put something down today. Besides, I love this piece :-)
Did you miss me? Yes, I know I have been quiet lately. Started trying to write my memoir and got a tad sidetracked, as happens when you are me. But you were never far from my thoughts and never out of my heart. Soooooo............
Can you imagine? Well, alrighty then, it is a rhetorical question, since everyone has the ability to imagine but for the sake of my musings here just play along. Just so you can know what it feels like to be me. Sort of. You won't ever be me, of course, but you will get an appreciation for what it is that I feel and why I am the way I am. At the end of reading this I want you, yes all of you, to close your eyes and try something for me. Back to the question at hand about imagining.
Can you imagine yourself feeling the same deep down love and gratitude that say you perhaps once felt when you fell in love with your "person" (not necessarily a spouse but that would work fine, too, just someone who made you feel truly ALIVE!) or held your newborn for the first time? Or even that feeling that is close to the excitement you feel in your being when you are looking forward to a vacation or concert or connecting with people you absolutely love? You know, where your heart quickens and you feel actual JOY and at one with that feeling.
You have that in your memory bank right now, right? You are understanding what I am expressing? Good, because that is how I feel most of the time. Can you now imagine feeling like that most of the time? Or would you even want that for yourself? It is one of the main reasons I do not get caught up in the emotions or drama or goings on that irritate the hell out of the majority of humanity. Why on Gods little green earth would you choose to NOT feel that good feeling and opt instead for a lesser one? You are, in essence, that love and it is closer to who and what you are than anything else you choose to feel. The truth of who you are.
Have you ever stopped and pondered that you are NOT your thoughts, NOT your emotions, not even your body? YOU are the soul within all of that, the observer of it all. And the soul just loves, nothing more, nothing less, sees it all go past and doesn't judge one iota of it. So when you have those deep feelings in the core of your body, the heart quickening, joyous moments, THAT is the soul and you just BEING what you are. It is what we are intended to be, the very best version of ourselves.
I had that thought in meditation last night, how many people feel like I do all the time? Feel that deep warm loving feeling just to be alive? I have learned that gratitude brings all good things AND all good things should bring gratitude, even though I don't care for the labels of good/bad, one comes with the other. The more grateful you are for what you do have, the more the Universe gives you to be grateful for. And the more you practice it, it becomes like instant manifestation. I am purely in awe of that. Ask my housemate, she can tell you. I put a request out to the Universe the other day and within hours BOOM the Universe provided it. How can you not be in awe of that? And how can you not have even more gratitude than you thought possible when that happens?
Many times when people have asked how I am doing, my response was "living the dream, baby!" even when it looked in the physical sense that I was not. Looks can be deceiving little bastards. What you perceive to see and what IS are normally 2 different animals altogether. Which I tend to call judgment. And I try to stay far away from judging anything. I understand that everything just IS and is put in front of me to learn from. I did not say I am perfect nor that I have perfected this task as I judged someone just last week.
Case in point, I made a mistake (Carla, you will understand the way this is said as we use to say it to each other about stuff and it's downright amusing) and being the honest person I am I admitted it to the person who would never have known I made the mistake had I not told them. I expected compassion or at the very least a little of the aloha spirit and to be told "no worries". But that is the exact opposite of what he said and did. He was nasty about it. REALLY? So I judged him to be an ass (which may or not be true but it was my opinion of him nonetheless) and the lesson I could have taken away was that being truthful was a pain in the ass (no pun intended) and cause more problems (which it did). BUT what I did take away was that in the end the Universe loves me, it conspires in my favor and will return to me what I put out into it so when I perceive that someone has made a mistake against me or my property that compassion is still a better way to proceed. I generally don't feel as if anyone wrongs me but then I see everything as positive and since we find what we are looking for and giving our energy to, we tend to draw it to us, but perhaps in the past I felt someone did and I was less than compassionate to them. Karma served. I only took a few minutes to feel guilty about judging him before I forgave myself and moved on ( and handed it over to the capable hands of my insurance agent to finish dealing with) knowing that I am taking the right path for me. Staying in that loving grateful mode Besides, the crappy energy that comes with guilt (or shame or any myriad of negative emotion) is not where I want to dwell, it's life sucking. And a reminder why I do NOT judge.
Sometimes I ponder if I am merely conflicted. I believe that we are in control of what happens to us because we are energy and what energy we put out brings to us what we need to learn and yet I believe in God and know that God is in control of it all. Which would tend to imply that we are in control of nothing more than our thoughts and how we choose to feel. See the dilemma? But the more positive energy I put out, the more grace I am shown. The more gratitude I express, the more I get to be grateful for. And I adore living in gratitude and that nice excited tingly feeling that comes with it.
Congrats on making it this far into todays musings! I mean that sincerely. And now, if you will, take a few moments to close your eyes, conjure up that feeling, the one you know you have felt before and that I mentioned in the first paragraph. Once you have that feeling deep inside you, send it out to something, anything that you are grateful for right now, in this moment. See that thing (or person or whatever it was) receiving it and smiling. And then see them sending it back to you. (okay, so I did get that exercise from the meditation journey I am doing right now and didn't come up with it on my own but it is still very powerful). Stay in that for as long as you can stand it. Then get back to me and let me know how that felt. That is how I feel most of the time. Again, can you imagine that?
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