Later, I was going out to water my garden and Bev called and asked if I would help her when she got home, I asked if she was nearby and she said yes, almost there. So I waited 10 minutes and ran down to water and when I got back I heard noises in the house so I went and looked in the garage and the car was there so I went back inside to go to her room and heard the inside garage door slam. SO I went back through the kitchen and opened the door and she was getting something out of her car and I said I was following her around and missing her as I did and she said she got it and needed no help. Okay then. I went back to the kitchen to fill my water bottle, she came in and was making a drink and said she "had been everywhere today" and I asked "after work?". She said she did not go to work because she was up all night, that Molly got eaten up (where my literal and visual mind went directly to her finding a little dog carcass on the deck) and as I am trying to digest this, she said and Daisy is gone (so now I am thinking they found a way to escape and some animal or bird of prey got Molly and Daisy is unlocatable), when she tells me that she has been at the vet all day with Molly. I asked if Daisy was at the Humane Society (it finally kind of clicked that Daisy had fought back again and did more damage) and she said "I found her a good home". Still processing all this and tired I said I am sorry that happened. I don't recall the next part of the conversation but in my head I was thinking how she always calls Molly the Empress of Evil and right now she is an innocent victim? and thinking out loud I said that Molly always starts or instigates the fights. This is not what Bev heard me say.
While I am bummed that it happened and that Daisy is no longer here, I didn't really dwell on it. She was out on the front porch with Molly and Tony when I got home and she asked if I would stay with them when the gardener got here. Sure, no problem. When he arrived she was out weeding and me and the dogs were setting there getting baked by the sun and I thought about asking if she would help me move them elsewhere since we were all hot, but I said nothing and just sucked it up. I am good like that many times. It just depends.
Anyway, it was nearing 8 pm and I was tired and cold since the sun had passed and the breeze came up so I said I was going to head up to bed. She was working on the sprinkler heads and said she wanted to chat before I did. I was thinking this can't be good, we could have had the chat earlier before the gardener came. I said okay and she said to give her a minute, which in truth was closer to 10 and I was getting more tired and cold and internally a little pissy.
She came back to the porch and said she needed to resolve this but that she felt unsupported when she told me the day before about the dogs, that I could have offered a "I am so sorry you had to go through that" or something but that I jumped to saying it was Molly's fault. Ok, now I am floored. When I had the horrifying incident with them fighting that morning and called her, she said nothing of the sort. What she said was "what do you want me to do about it?" and I don't think that would have been the appropriate or sympathetic response when she told me the night before. I actually had said I was sorry it happened, perhaps it should have dawned on me to add "to you", but it did not.
I did not bring up the fact that she herself calls the dog the Empress of evil or remind her of the text I sent saying Molly was starting that crap every morning when I let them out, no, I was civil and said that it was true that Molly always started it. She said she was so upset with me after the original conversation that she didn't care if she never spoke to me again. Hurtful much? I didn't take it personally, considered her mood and moved on from it. So I asked if the people she gave Daisy to are a good home for her, thinking probably or she wouldn't have taken her there, and she said she took her to the Humane Society. I said I asked that the night before and she outright lied to me? She said yes because she was so pissed at me for blaming Molly she wasn't going to have that conversation. Fine.
I do a lot of little kind things for her and never a word, not that I am seeking praise, but it would be nice if they were noticed, and I get nailed because I gave the wrong response? Whereby the phone rang and without a word to me she got on her phone call and I was invisible. I waited for maybe 15 minutes and decided "to heck with it, I am going to bed" and as I walked away from the porch she said goodnight. I did, too, don't know if she heard me and I did not care either way aft keeping me up to make me feel like crap as I was heading to bed. Intentional? Maybe, I am not positive and today it doesn't really matter. It just left me befuddled and bewildered.
She had asked me last night before the chat if I would watch the sprinklers if I was out here this morning to make sure they all came on (she replaced a lot of them) and I said I would. SO this morning I am sitting out here and she was when they started as well, and since I was in my slippers I went up to get on shoes in case I had to go adjust anything. By the time they started on the flower beds by the house she was inside and I was adjusting sprinkler heads and getting a shower. I was damp when I sat down, she was back outside now, my outer most sweatshirt (I had 3 on, I get cold) was soaked, the back as well as my right shoe. When I said as much she said I should go change. The sprinklers were not done coming on yet and I wasn't sure if she was going to get up and adjust them so I waited. They came on (the last ones) and there was a geyser out in the succulent garden by the garage. She said I wonder what that is about. So I went to investigate. She went back inside as I got drenched trying to fix the issue and then I went in to change because I needed a towel to dry off, wet head to toe. I changed and came back out with a hot cinnamon roll that I nuked on my way back down.
She finally did say thanks, not thank you, just thanks for keeping an eye on them. I have a hard time knowing what the right things to say or do are with her and I know she is a very sarcastic person, which many times is kind of funny, but I am a literal, visual person and it takes me a second to process most things, with an engineer mind, and it would seem that either I have no feelings to be supportive or that I shouldn't have any when I am hurt. I don't get that at all. I tend to try not to take things to heart or personally because I can be overly sensitive when I d that, but I am human and sometimes do feel hurt. I did not write any of this, let's be clear, to have anyone think of her as a bad person or to think ill of her, I do not, I am just trying to understand it all. She said she is going to work this afternoon and I think I will make a chime, maybe go see if I can get some twine for my tomatoes at Wally world and go to bed WAY early to avoid any conflict.
SO until next time, stay blessed, be well and all my love <3
Oh, here is the only picture I have taken today so far, a bird perched on the top of the tree:
No comments:
Post a Comment