You can quote me

When I say you cannot be well rounded if you only live a 2 sided life, which occurred to me on the way home today.  Yes, I get that we are going through an emotionally sensitive period with the way the planets are lined up but normally it does not phase me.  But after 23 hours of doing the same repetitive thing while listening to people spout negativity, I, yes I, had a meltdown.  I understood in a week why people walk out and leave and the turnover rate is so high.  But nothing will change, it never has and I was told it would not, they have been doing things this way forever.  Well, ya think that might be the issue here?

So I wound up in HR after work because heaven forbid you do anything on company time besides work.  END OF RANT.  It is overwhelming and I get it, I mean this is two of the only three things that I have seen all week:

My love bugs, happy to see me when I get home

^ My cantaloupe is finally starting to thrive

My big tomato, cucumber and squash plants are doing awesome

I still play with the dogs and cat, still tend the gardens and the night picture was actually this morning, early and there was a brightness at the top of the picture that did not show up here.  The other 2 things I have seen this week were work and the insides of my eyelids.  No energy for anything else.  Work 10 hours, come home, eat first, play with the critters  of which I forgot to get a picture of Mickey (the cat and a half, he's huge), tend the gardens, shower and sleep.  So I can get up at 3:30 and do it all over again.  I know it will get better, it did this afternoon when I said I just couldn't tin another caged wire and one of my coworkers asked them to please let me do something else for awhile since I couldn't do it given I could no longer feel my fingers. So they put me back at my original, peaceful station and by 1:45 I was actually soldering and happy again.  Not debating whether I wanted to return tomorrow again.  Hence my visit to HR to vent my frustrations, one of them they have no control over, my being vertically challenged (short) which meant I had to stand the entire 10 hours yesterday although today I grabbed a tall chair and set myself up so I could sit for periods of time while continuing to torment my hands.

I am not normally a crier but man today I just couldn't keep myself from it whenever I talked to managers.  Overload.  I am normally the grounded, zen person in the room.  Not today.  But I have my current task that I am working on to keep me busy for a few days at least, which is good given that we are also working Saturday.  Which I was initially looking forward to the OT as I start out broke but they do it regularly and on my way home it hit me that I am too old for that crap.  They can work you no more than 60 hours a week by law here so they work you 58.  Clever.  Leaving no time for an actual life.  Okay, I'll play that game for a couple months if they keep me past the 30 days before my initial review but I need to nurture my soul and it is hard to accomplish if you are always working.  I don't know, maybe once I am soldering more I will most likely be more contented and want to work, like I did in Honolulu, pretty much all the time.  But not 10 hours a day 5 days in a row before more hours.  Sorry, I know I said end of rant and I thought it was but here I am with my thoughts still sucked into it.  My bad.

Added to that, I have had a stomach bug for the past couple of days so I wasn't feeling all that well to begin with.  Another early night and hopefully it will be over with because soda crackers do not a meal make.  But it is what I have been able to keep down so I am trying to take care of myself.  Bet you kind of miss my chimes, huh?  Yeah, me, too.  Maybe Sunday, I can't tell from here right now.  I may sleep in.  Or not.  I definitely want to write more.  Speaking of which, page 2:

I came into this life knowing I was here to make a difference for good in people's lives. I knew I had chosen to follow my guides, God, truth, universe, whatever one chooses to call their source.  I also came in at a time, an age that was far less politically correct (read: easily offended) than today and I am not saying this was a bad thing at all.  Quite the contrary in fact, it was a wonderful time to grow up in, it just had different labels, as it were.

I was born in Kansas, although I do know not know why we were there and I tend to tell it as "we were just passing through there when I decided I wanted to come into this world" because we really only were there for a short time after my birth.  The name that my parents put on the birth certificate, Carolyn Joyce, was for all intents and purposes, rather pointless, given that they never used that name when addressing me.  Imagine my surprise when my mom was called in my first school days and told that the system thought I might be "retarded" because I did not respond to my name.  Of course, my mother asked what they were calling me and having been told she had registered me for classes as Carolyn and what else were they to believe my name was, she said that they had always called me Chris as at  home.  Identity crisis?  Maybe not so much crisis as issue, but at the time I didn't give it a whole lot of thought since, as children, we live in the moment.

That was back when I KNEW, not in the learned knowledge way but in the knowing without recognizing why you know kind of way, things that I could not verbalize to anyone.  How I knew when things were going to happen before they did and not  in a way that one can predict, by action having an opposite but equal reaction type of manner.  Energetically, spiritually, psychically knew.  I had premonitions, if you will.  And when someone close had died, I knew it before I was told since those people had already come to me, as real as could be, usually when I was sleeping and I would wake up, sit up in bed and they would be at the foot of the bed.  Not in person in a physical sense, but I knew they were there telling me that they loved me and had to go on.  When I was very young I was not intimidated by any of this in the least.  It wasn't until I hit my early 20's that it scared me and I "turned it off".  Back then if I had sought out someone to help me control it I would have been deemed "insane" or such.  But I digress...

End of page 2

I know my pages are short but my paragraphs are long and it is hard to copy more on my tablet.  Bear with me.  Until next tie, hopefully I will get on and at least have better, more uplifting news and another page form my story.

Have a great one, be well and all my love.